I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didnāt grab it by the balls
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The school better be open next year. Iāve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and thereās serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
Itās 2020. Youāll probably get knocked up. If youāre really lucky youāll just get the clap
Randomize
