Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
