You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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