youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
