you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
