First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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