like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
