so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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