Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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