but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
