I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish there were birth control emojis
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
