I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
