Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
