I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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