Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
