Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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