Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
