Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How does one acquire holy water?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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