i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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