Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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