Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
