He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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