she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
