I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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