His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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