dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
