Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
