I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
