i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
