Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
