I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
