she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
