Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how can u be prego again
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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