whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
