Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
