Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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