also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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