after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
