I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
