Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
