Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
