Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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