I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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