Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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