Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
