I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
