Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
