Already got asked if we're dating
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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