I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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