My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
